“Fourteen years and they haven’t won a playoff game but they want to pass themselves off as America’s Team. It’s easy to despise their arrogance. I pray for Cowboys fans.”

WISE OBAMA TELLS TWO OPPOSING ABORTION ISSUE LOBBYISTS TO CUT FETUS IN HALF; SUCK IT OUT BY VACUUM

Faced with the ongoing challenge of reforming the nation's health care system and with abortion becoming more and more a hot button issue in the debate - President Obama was presented with representatives of both the pro-life and pro-choice lobbies Thursday at the White House. The lobbyists both presented to the President the case of a young, pregnant woman who was wrestling with the approaching birth of a child she did not feel prepared to care for and raise.

"Ah," said the President stroking his chin "I see. This is what you shall do. You shall insert a curette into the woman and cut the baby in half and then suck it out into a bottle by vacuum."

When the pro-choice representative loudly agreed with the decision the President said "Yes, indeed, YOU love the Mother more! Off with the fetus's head."

"dallas is a blemish on the league's existence"

We want Dallas...

There are some things that just make me laugh and laugh...

.

A blow for the rebellion...

I'm not sure why the Tates are Pepsi people but we unequivocally are. Letterman, GOP, the Skins and Pepsi...it's who we are. Full stop. And Pepsi will always find a safe stop with me on the underground railroad of the cola wars...

Free #1

The plot thickens....

The last decade or so has wrought breathtaking advances in technology but I guess we must wait another decade for the audio lapse between anchorman and on location reporter to close.

....

Don't call it a comeback. We've been here for years....

On Dover...

The President recently made a midnight visit to Dover AFB to pay tribute to fallen soldiers. If I had read about or been told this - informed that he had done this, reluctantly knowing the public would find out - he might have somewhat, suddenly endeared himself to me. But the fact that this was such a blatant, flagrant and shameless photo op...using a casket like a prop...makes me sick to my stomach. Surreal. Cartoonish. An unforgivable jumping of the shark.

Really?

Sweet Moses...

...

Had this song on my mind this week and love this performance (especially the quartet who resemble marionettes in their enthusiasm). But one thing that bugs me about this tune is how I can't help but assume that the band doesn't realize how influenced by mj the song truly is. The way it tells a story, the duo crescendos...and the beat is unmistakably Jacksonian. I don't suggest this as a fanboy bent on suggesting such things, but have a listen. This is a Michael Jackson song masquerading as an alt rock tune, in the round.

.

A distaste for cats is often ineffable but never peculiar. But don't you see? It's because they're melodramatic.

My buddy, my buddy, my buddy and me...

While the day after Christmas contends, Halloween always proves to be the busiest day of the year for me and my colleagues. A lot of instances and images echo from the blur of today - my passenger seat slowing filling with candy, the shock on people's faces when I reminded them to turn back their clocks, the obvious victim of a prank goodnaturedly offering to buy the large anchovy anyway. "That'll scare the kids for sure". But one image sticks more still - before the rain came...fighting through pre-parade traffic as dead leaves stirred on the road in an arresting cinematic quality, I fed a decisive liter of gas to the Jeep and we climbed up Woodstock ave, suddenly strangely alone and heading into the rain clouds tumbling over Killington and Pico. Behind me, between two lumps of mountain, a final salvo from the sun...bright, volcanic, orange...lighting up one side of the Jeep as if burning. A goodbye so violent it felt more like a hello.
As the first drops fell on the windshield all I could do was stare at my sideview.

Objects in mirror closer than they appear.

Hi.

An exhaustive (and perhaps exhausting) slide show of celebrities with different colored eyes....

"You've got every gift under the sun, Tate, but you lack decisiveness...so you don't have any gifts, ya understand?" - Petty Officer Taylor, 2 years ago.

Happy Day...

I really can't remember a more bleak week in the history of my being a fan of the Redskins. This was exasperated by the fact all the Tates were together last Sunday when they fell to the Chiefs. The fallout, the disarray, the complete hopelessness that settled across the fan base...But tomorrow is Happy Day (the first nationally televised Skins game)...and I'm glad it's coming to punctuate this week. I need this Skins.

I need it. That's really all I can muster. I believe in you, I love you...but I need you to win this one and not fool around in the process.

On so many levels...I need you to beat Philadelphia. Skins?

I need this. I'll be in my burgundy and gold.

All Hail!!

Further evidence of corruption at the WBA's highest levels?

Even with a global tournament soon to introduce Bobberball to much of the world's ignorant regions, reports of misappropriation, corruption and graft continue to plague the game - including further evidence of "pay for play" shenanigans between WBA President Joshua Bowden Tate and famed Bobberball competitor Steve "Sheriff Lovely" Maxon. Reports continue to circulate that Sheriff Lovely feels he is "over the skill" and worried about making it into the final round of the November 1st tournie. The following pictures were taken by the unimpeachably ethical Bobberball legend Job "Tarzan Boy Wonder" Tate.

.

My heart was wet cement - when we first met/and now it's dry - with your initials in it

The little ones...

I do love me some Lucy Gates....

OBAMA SEEKS NUTRITIONAL ADVICE FROM HIS DOCTOR; WANTS HIS URINE TO BE PERFECTLY CLEAR

President Barak Obama sought out the professional nutritional counsel of his personal physician, Dr. David Scheiner, on Monday saying that he was "troubled" and "concerned" with the often golden and sometimes even "tawny" color of his presidential urine.

"Let my urine be perfectly clear," the first term executive asked the congressionally appointed doctor. Scheiner proceeded to tell Obama that he should restrict the sodium in his diet while increasing his intake of water.

"But don't drink the water in the many countries you will visit while Secretary of State Clinton stays in America," Scheiner warned the President.

"That will make your stool perfectly clear," the MD added.

The Russian leadership, hardly believing its luck, needs no interpreter to understand that when the Obama team clownishly rushes in bearing gifts and "reset" buttons, there is nothing ulterior, diabolical, clever or even serious behind it. It is amateurishness, wrapped in naivete, inside credulity. In short, the very stuff of Nobels.

Woe unto those in Rutland who would ever try and pull off a first day in this city...

Hey Jolly...

In our America so much is wrapped up in our vehicles. Points in our life, the people we knew, the places we lived...and of course the places we went. Hey Jolly went over that brave milestone that is 200k yesterday...at the post office. Means nothing, really, of course - but it is worthy of note.

Right?

Word has it...

...that the Occidentals are in the Greens....